yeryüzünde birkaç kadının anlayabileceği sancılar çekiyorum.
devredilen sancılar bunlar. oidipul aşamada takılı kalmışız. baba'nın ölümü çok uzak değil.
birkaç kadından, birkaçı nefes alabiliyor şimdi. 4ü zamandışı bir yaşamı seçti. geriye bir ben, bir de alice'in tavşanı kaldı. bir tavşan olmasına rağmen benden daha çok kadın hissediyor kendini bundan eminim. bilincimin plazma hali. dişilliğimin plazma hali. erilliğinin katı hali.
acceptance of femininity created pain. it is the pain which led me to mysterious parts of my unconciouss. i am spending days and days just thinking how to step back the world i live in. hard to tell hard to explain what kind of pain it is.
love includes two different parts of humanity -two different identity. the man and the woman. adam and eve. tahir and zühre. i cannot define my "self" without your masculinity. my femininity is nothing when you are not next to me.
there are few women who are still really in love. love has two sides. you and me.
through my feelings i know i am at the time to be a man's. don't want to describe you just as a "man" but my chemicals dont let me to describe you as a human. i am the woman who was damaged for again and again. and now, cannot realize you are the one that i have been looking for since when i internalized my femininity. cannot make a prediction about constructed future that has already lived by gods and goddesses.
you will get tired of my analyzes. i will go insane.
unlike durkheim's suicide theories, the idea of suicide comes to minds when every probability every choice every scenario every story every moment has already been lived and there is nothing left to try.
but after all...
i don't have any promonitions about tomorrow. any plan, any idea, any comment...
am just a woman waiting for you to turn me on.
